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Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

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42rocker
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Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby 42rocker » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:17 pm

Saw this on another site and after several minutes of laughing and finally become calm again I thought that I would share it here.
1st Just try not to laugh
2nd Don't do it.

Later 42rocker

Just try reading this without laughing !!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser.

The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in
Hate this 2000 limit

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby 42rocker » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:19 pm

a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another.

The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...


HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
If you can handle more there is part 3

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby 42rocker » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:20 pm

part three


Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser, one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

• My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
• The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
• My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
• My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
• I had no control over the drooling.
• Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
• I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.


I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby salt6 » Wed Mar 06, 2013 6:57 pm

:bnija: :wnana: :cheer: :lol: :oops: :shock: [diz] :***:
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.


John Newton (1725-1807)
____________________________________________
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

George Orwell
____________________________________________
"I once was one of those men."

salt6

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby drooling idiot » Tue Mar 12, 2013 6:27 pm

Image
OMG Funny
"good , bad, .....I'm the man with the gun." Image

Its amazing anything works right around here with a bunch of
over-age juvenile delinquents running the place.

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby Hole_Puncher » Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:44 pm

Thanks, that was great!

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby Gulfstream4 » Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:34 pm

That was halarious :wnana:

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby junglewalk » Wed Mar 13, 2013 10:29 pm

Brilliant ...!!!

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Beautiful women are like well built machineguns: Some should just be looked at, and left alone, while others were built to get hot.

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby 42rocker » Thu Mar 14, 2013 8:54 am

Worse part of it!!!! Someone might have done this for real!!!!! What do you think???

Later 42rocker

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby Holdtight » Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:45 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Holdtight!!

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby GUNHEEP » Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:26 pm

I almost pissed myself while laughing.. What stupid mutha focker

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby GUNHEEP » Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:35 pm

That was almost as funny as this
http://youtu.be/YyiuZOmwgBU

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby GUNHEEP » Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:38 pm

That was almost as funny as this
http://youtu.be/YyiuZOmwgBU
Gives a new meaning to the word NUMBNUTS

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby Colorado1919 » Mon Mar 18, 2013 10:11 pm

I couldn't keep from laughing.
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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby mhaberthur » Wed Mar 27, 2013 11:46 am

That is funny!!! My youngest daughter, an Army Capt., left yesterday for Afghanistan and I really needed a good laugh. Thanks

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby 42rocker » Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:37 pm

mhaberthur
Thoughts and Prayers of Safety for your daughter. Thanks for her service and your support of her.

Later 42rocker

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby smoke » Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:29 pm

you guys need to quit laughing at my brother..
him and 2 buddys almost drown last week .. they were in the back of the pickup . dad ran of the road and into a pond.. took brother a least 3 minutes to open the tailgate .. I say they was trapped ..

when I die I want to go quitely in my sleep like grandpa did .. not screaming like his passangers in the bus
Live each day as though its your last

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby smoke » Tue Apr 15, 2014 2:35 pm

and Then , and then and then
Live each day as though its your last

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby GUNHEEP » Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:39 pm

Thta guy is a hell-of-a writer...he should do comedy...i had tears in my eyes..even funnier than this

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DykU70prydk
Last edited by GUNHEEP on Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Try not to laugh AND Don't do it

Postby GUNHEEP » Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:42 pm



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